Funky MonkeyWine ReviewsFunky Monkey Pinot Noir Review


A non-alcoholic red wine that actually tastes like wine! Made grapes grown by Hear No Evil, without the use of pesticides and from the tried and tested wine region of South Australia.

Before you read on, the tip to elevating this wine is letting it breathe! Alright, find out what its all about with the Funky Monkey Pinot Review.


This Funky Monkey Pinot Review is one that just needed to be written because it is the only bottle of non-alcoholic red wine I’ve bought more than once and secondly, it is a perfect non-alcoholic wine for spring!

The Funky Monkey Pinot is a non-alcoholic wine that actually tastes like Pinot! It tastes like cherries, dark red berries and also brings some profile rounding earthy notes. It finishes with just a hint of sweetness and some great mouth-drying and lingering tannins that help carry the flavour between sips and after you’re done drinking.

Keep an eye out for the Podcast Episode I did with Rob Fink, CEO and Founder of Big Drop Brewing!

Key Takeaways

ABV: <0.5%
Style:  Pinot Noir
Calories: 28 cals / 100ml
Colour: Pale Ruby
Main Notes: Red berries, Cherry
Food Pairing: Whiting
Cost: ~$13 – $16
Rating: 8.45/10
Where to Buy | Review | Calories

Funky Monkey Pinot Noir bottle and glass with wine in it on a bench

Funky Monkey Pinot Review

The Funky Monkey Pinot is a non-alcoholic red wine that is made from grapes in South Australia by the team winemakers over at Hear No Evil.

That means the grapes that go into the Funky Monkey Pinot are grown without pesticides and the wine contains no animal products and, the reason I’m writing it up, no alcohol.

If you’re looking for a little more information on who Funky Monkey are or the Fourth Wave Wine team behind them, check out the brand profile here.

If you’re keen to learn more about light, flavourful and well finished non-alcoholic pinot, you’re going to want to find out more

Funky Monkey Pinot Noir in hand with Jonathan behind it

What does Funky Monkey Pinot Taste Like?

When you get your hands on a bottle of non-alcoholic Funky Monkey Pinot, you likely to find you’re likely to find a soft and light non-alcoholic Pinot which has a flavour profile that includes:

  • dark red berries and cherry flavours;
  • earthy notes;
  • a hint of sweetness;
  • a lighter body; and
  • really nice tannins.

A non-alcoholic wine that tastes like wine! That’s one to experience for yourself. You can pick up a bottle over at Craft Zero and have it delivered or drop into a select few Dan Murphy’s stores!

Two bottles of Funky Monkey Pinot Noir one empty and one glass, both behind an empty wine glass

Where to Buy?

So you’ve heard all the good things, you’ve remembered it needs to be aired to get the most out of it and you’re ready to buy. Pick up a bottle or three asap as this tends to sell out pretty quickly and you’re left searching high and low!

NORT Tropical XPA Can in Hand

Does the Wine Have Body?

The body of pinot as a style of wine is generally more moderate than other styles, especially when compared to a heavier wine like a syrupy Shiraz.

As with all non-alcoholic wines, the Funky Monkey Pinot does lack the full-bodied profile of alcoholic wine. However, to my surprise, the Funky Monkey team have built a wine that does a really good job at getting as close to a soft, light and young pinot flavour profile.

Funky Monkey Pinot Noir Bottle Close up

Is it Alcohol Free?

Each wine in the Funky Monkey range is alcohol free and comes in under the 0.5% requirement. For context, there is more alcohol in a ripe fruit or glass of orange juice.

Non alcoholic bottle of wine on bench lookng from the base up

How Many Calories in Funky Monkey Pinot?

Non-alcoholic wine is naturally lower in calories than alcoholic wine, due to the fact you don’t have the calories from alcohol. These alcohol calories tally up pretty quickly as they’re at around 7 calories per gram of alcohol.

The Funky Monkey Pinot Review has been a great opportunity to dive into exactly what is in the bottle and I’ve listed out the ingredients panel below.

Avg Quantity
Per Serving
Avg Quantity
Per 100 mL
Energy 118 kJ
28 Cal
Protein 0.3 g
Fat, total <0.1 g
Carbohydrate 3.8 g
   — sugars 2.1 g
Sodium 31 mg

Looking to the numbers, calories, sugars, fat, carbs and sodium are all extremely low. From a calorie perspective the whole bottle has 210 calories at a rate of 15.75grams of sugar. Overall, a healthy non alcoholic wine option!

What Does Funky Monkey Pinot Smell Like?

The Funky Monkey Pinot has all the notes of light, young, and fruity Pinot.

I’ve touched on it a couple of times but, this wine really does benefit from being left to breathe and open up. So help it out a little and leave the wine to air and sit for a more enjoyable glass!

Once you have let it sit for 10 to 15 minutes you’ll come back to a wine that is full of aroma and you’re likely to find more aromas than if you had just dived in.

So what will your nose pick up when drinking this? Once the wine heads south out of the bottle and lands in your glass, you’re going to find:

  • a bright young wine;
  • notes of berries and cherries; and
  • some warm and earthy notes.
non alcoholic pinot noir bottle on bench

What Does it Look Like?

For a non-alcoholic wine, the Funky Monkey Pinot carries with it a really nice deep purple colour that the image below captures perfectly.

While the wine is young, when stretching it in the glass (lean your glass forward and push the liquid as far towards the lip of your glass as you can) it holds up well and doesn’t gradient or fade a whole lot!

So now that you have heard my thoughts, find out where to buy some below!

Funky Monkey Pinot Noir nutritional label on the rear of the bottle